Where Do I Start?
Finding the right counsellor is the first obstacle to overcome when considering counselling and you may need to cast a wide net. Seeking counselling is often a complicated and frustrating process, but that doesn’t make it any less life-changing. Whether to rescue a relationship, transition to a new life phase, deal with trauma, improve your mental health, or just reconnect to yourself by confiding in someone, the bond between you and your counsellor forms the foundation of your success in counselling. However, the last thing you want to do is to entrust your mental health to an incompetent, unlicensed, or ineffective counsellor. That’s why it’s essential to research properly, ask the necessary questions, and be aware of your reactions in searching for the right counsellor.
The first step of deciding to seek counselling is followed by the next step of finding the right counsellor. Your choice of counsellor will either reinforce your commitment to the counselling process or confirm your worst fears of seeking counselling.
The Right Counselling Relationship
Finding someone that you “mesh” with is probably one of the most vital aspects to finding a counsellor who you will work well with. A strong relationship between the client and counsellor is crucial for the success of the counselling.
A strong, supportive, positive counselling relationship is built on several factors:
- PERSONAL PREFERENCES: The best counselling occurs when the client feels connected to and comfortable with their counsellor. This is particularly relevant for individuals from marginalised communities, for example, those who identify as LGBTQIA+. How important is it to you to work with someone similar to you when it comes to cultural background, religion, relationship status, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity and race? Would you be comfortable opening up to someone of a different background?
- UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD: A worthy counsellor values you as a human being and believes in your ability to self-actualise, rather than regarding you as broken, deficient, or dependent.
- PERSONALITY: Often called a sense of rapport, the unique connection with your counsellor (that is not a friendship) is a must.
- AUTHENTICITY: A good counsellor is genuine and open, sharing their knowledge, while admitting the limitations of their expertise.
- COMMUNICATION: Counsellors should communicate openly and empathetically even when pointing out your areas for learning, adjustment, and growth.
- TRUST: You should trust your counsellor enough to confide your innermost thoughts, emotions, and behaviours to them – especially when they’re frightening or uncomfortable.
Signs of a Good Counsellor
A good counsellor will put you at ease, make you feel welcome, and be someone you feel you can trust with your deepest fears, thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. They are easy to talk to and are empathetic listeners. They communicate both verbally and non-verbally (through gestures, tone of voice, posture, and facial expressions), and they are open to hearing about your experiences without judgment. They emphasise the confidentiality of what you share during your counselling sessions while acknowledging its limitations so that you are fully informed about when they may need to break confidentiality and disclose information to others. They are kind but don’t take on the role of a casual friend, parent, romantic partner, or teacher. They prioritise collaboration, with the two of you working as a team without acting like condescending know-it-alls.
The positive working relationship between a client and counsellor, along with the forward progress, are all part of the process that unfolds over time. Consequently, you may not leave your first session feeling “cured” or “fixed”, although it is common to experience a huge sense of relief. Therefore, you should choose a counsellor who inspires hope and optimism. A good counsellor neither feels sorry for you nor makes impossible promises that you’ll never again experience hardships. Instead, they empower you with the necessary confidence in yourself and a set of coping techniques that will enable you to resolve life’s challenges on your own.
How to Choose a Counsellor That’s Right For You
Define Your Needs and Goals Ahead of Time
When you’re new to counselling, the sheer number of choices can leave you feeling confused and overwhelmed. Aside from ensuring your counsellor has the necessary credentials and comes well-recommended, choosing a good counsellor is a very personal undertaking.
To help you sift through the masses and find the one that’s the right fit for you, you need to determine what you need from your counsellor, the counselling process, and what you want to accomplish. Your collaboration can be effective only when you and your counsellor work towards achieving the same goals and agree upon the method you will use.
Different counsellors have different strengths and areas of interest. For example, some counsellors focus on working with children, while others work exclusively with adults. Identifying your needs and developing goals and a subsequent intervention plan is a team effort between you and your counsellor. Even just having a rough idea of the areas you’d like to address in counselling can help your counsellor gain enough insight to kick off the counselling process.
Ensure that helping you to achieve your goals and fulfil your needs falls within a counsellor’s scope of practice!
In South Africa, Registered Counsellors and Specialist Wellness Counsellors are only allowed to screen for mental health conditions and refer clients to the appropriate mental health professional for diagnosis and treatment. They are NOT allowed to diagnose mental health conditions, as this falls outside their competency. Registered Counsellors and Specialist Wellness Counsellors are also NOT allowed to treat mental health conditions. This needs to be done by a psychologist or psychiatrist.
Often a client’s needs and goals evolve once they start the journey with a counsellor. It’s perfectly natural (and recommended!) to discuss changing the direction of your counselling with your counsellor as your needs change over time.
Evaluate Your Budget and Insurance Options
The cost of counselling may depend on the type of counselling, the counsellor’s experience and qualifications, and whether you’re communicating with the counsellor in person or virtually. Regular, frequent counselling sessions can be costly. Therefore, you need to examine your finances and budget accordingly.
Confirm whether your insurance plan covers mental health services. If you plan to pay for counselling through your insurance plan, your first step might be to search your plan’s network for a counsellor. Ascertain whether your insurance plan limits the number of counselling sessions you can attend yearly and whether using an out-of-network counsellor will cost you extra. You can still work with a counsellor outside your health insurance, but it may be more expensive. However, if you develop a strong connection with a mental health professional not covered by your network, you can check whether your insurance will reimburse you for appointment costs. If you have insurance, you may pay a portion of the session fee depending on your coverage.
In South Africa, only mental health professionals registered with the Health Professions Council of South Africa (HPCSA) are eligible for insurance coverage. Thus, this excludes Specialist Wellness Counsellors registered and regulated by the Association for Supportive Counsellors and Holistic Practitioners (ASCHP).
Counsellors often offer sliding scales or free services. Be sure to inquire if a potential counsellor can offer you a discount because of your financial situation. You have nothing to lose by trying!
Counsellor interns working towards their qualification are supervised by a licenced professional and/or credentialed organisation and may offer counselling services free or at a reduced cost – usually for a fixed number of sessions.
Online counselling may also be more affordable than in-person counselling.
Get Referrals From Trustworthy Sources
Many people seek referrals for counsellors from friends, family, colleagues, doctors, or other mental health professionals. While this offers a good starting point, you need to discern whether you have different needs and goals with your counselling than the person giving you the recommendation. Just because they connect with that counsellor doesn’t automatically mean you will too. The right match for them might not be the right match for you.
Don’t get discouraged if a referral doesn’t pan out – keep searching and trying!
Search Local Resources
Specific communities may offer some resources to their members. For example, students typically have access to university counselling centres, while employees can join a workplace wellness or employee assistance program. Local advocacy organisations may offer group or individual counselling, while faith-based counselling may be provided by churches, mosques, synagogues, and other worship centres. Neighbourhood meeting spots, like libraries and community centres, and online platforms may host local support groups or organisation gatherings for free or at a reduced cost.
Consult Reliable Online Databases
Most mental health organisations maintain up-to-date, searchable databases of licensed mental health professionals. If you’re struggling to find a counsellor through local referrals, searching these websites online can provide immediate options. You can search by area/neighbourhood and by speciality or designation. You can also verify whether a counsellor is actually a member of an organisation by searching for their name in the database.
In South Africa, you can search the website of the Association for Supportive Counsellors and Holistic Practitioners (ASCHP) to find Specialist Wellness Counsellors.
Research Potential Counsellors
Before you reach out to a potential counsellor, do some background research. Most counsellors and mental health organisations have websites with professional profiles. An online counsellor directory (for example, Psychology Today) can provide photos, write-ups, endorsements, and introductory videos of the counsellors that turn up in your search. The online counsellor profiles will also inform you whether they offer online counselling or are only available in person.
The first thing to notice in a counsellor’s profile is the credentials behind their name, indicating their level of education and their licensure or certification. Having a formal qualification and belonging to a statutory body means they’re regulated and qualified to provide professional help.
Once you’ve verified that a potential counsellor is legitimate and competent, look at their bio. This will reveal their areas of interest, for example, abuse or relationships. Lack of this information generally means that the counsellor addresses various mental health challenges. Keep in mind that most counsellors prefer to keep their private lives to themselves.
As a potential client, you have the fullest right to enquire what the counsellor’s qualifications, registration, and practical experience are – especially as it relates to supporting you in dealing with your specific challenges. A qualification in counselling forms a counsellor’s foundation. Knowing what institution they studied at, their areas of interest, the specific degrees, internships, and specialised courses they have completed will give you a better idea of their theoretical knowledge. That being said, no amount of certificates can replace hands-on experience, so consider both these things.
Additionally, aside from referrals, many counsellors have online reviews and testimonials that you can peruse.
Question Your Potential Counsellor
A counsellor’s online profile may offer basic information, but the most important factor in successful counselling – the relationship between you and your counsellor – cannot be evaluated until you actually talk with the counsellor in person, online, or on the phone. Many clients are hesitant to reach out to a potential counsellor and ask questions about them or the counselling process, but it’s perfectly natural to do so. In fact, counsellors expect potential clients to be uncertain about many things, so they eagerly answer inquiries.
Seeking counselling without any set expectations can be very useful. Starting counselling with an open mind and vulnerability can help identify areas to work on. Sometimes, the areas we believe we need to address are only the tip of the iceberg, and the real work may require looking deeper. That being said, it’s crucial to ask your potential counsellor some questions to determine whether they will be right for you. Before your first counselling session, jot down a few questions you’d like to ask and keep them on hand when communicating with your potential counsellor.
Many counsellors offer a free 15-minute introductory session for you to meet them, ask any questions you might have, and for them to learn more about your situation to assess if they are the right fit for you – before scheduling your initial appointment.
Go With Your Instinct
Regardless of what qualifications and accreditations your counsellor has, your own sense of trust and comfort should be your top priority. Counselling will probably be uncomfortable and unsettling from time to time, especially in the beginning, as you’ll be sharing difficult, personal experiences. Thus, if you feel uncomfortable with your counsellor for any reason, it’s recommended that you look for someone else. You don’t need to explain switching counsellors – it’s enough that you don’t feel comfortable. If you feel like you can’t converse with them honestly or like they’re not fully listening, that may be justification enough to discontinue counselling with them.
Counselling is meant to be an accepting and welcoming space for any and all thoughts and emotions that arise. Therefore, you should consider anything that makes you feel uncomfortable whether you meet your counsellor virtually or in person.
Pay attention to potential red flags:
- Does the counsellor listen attentively to what you’re saying? Or do they interrupt you?
- Is the counsellor empathetic? Or do they have an agenda? Are they trying to have you commit to counselling sessions with them before determining your motivation and the intervention options available to you?
- Does the counselling space (virtual/physical) feel private and secure? Or do you feel physically uncomfortable in it?
- Does the counsellor have the necessary credentials and level of expertise? Have they treated others with similar challenges as you?
- Does the counsellor respect your time by being punctual? Or are they late and/or don’t provide you the time you paid for?
- Do you feel at ease telling your counsellor anything? Or do they make you feel judged, antsy, or on edge?
- Does the counsellor reply respectfully and carefully to your concerns? Or does the counsellor brush them off and invalidate them?
- Is the counsellor completely present with you throughout the session? Do you feel heard? Or is your counsellor distracted and unfocused?
- Do you feel seen, heard, and understood by your counsellor? Or do they fail to connect with you?
It is natural to feel apprehensive about meeting your potential counsellor for the first time, but know that rapport between you two develops almost immediately. Distinguish whether your discomfort is just from general nervousness from starting counselling or feeling uncomfortable with your potential counsellor. Some feelings of anxiety or nervousness are to be expected, but inform your counsellor immediately if you’re experiencing symptoms of an anxiety or panic attack.
Trust your gut!
Next Steps
When you’ve found a potential counsellor, send them an email, text message, or give them a call. You may be expected to provide a brief overview of your challenges to ascertain whether the counsellor can help you. Don’t worry – the counsellor will not judge you or be shocked by what you have to say. Most counsellors will be able to help with most issues but can refer you to the appropriate mental health professional if they cannot. Make an appointment at a time and place that suits you and confirm how much they charge.
Don’t be discouraged if the counsellor doesn’t take your call or immediately respond to your message as they spend most of their time in counselling sessions with clients. They will get back to you as soon as possible.
What if I Don’t Like My Counsellor?
At the end of your first session, your counsellor may want to schedule another appointment. If you do not want to see them again, you can use this time to notify them. You don’t need to explain yourself: simply say that it’s not a good match, you want to explore other options, or you need more time to consider.
If you’ve been seeing your counsellor for a while but notice potential red flags or do not want to receive counselling from them anymore, you should consider admitting this to your counsellor if you feel comfortable.
Alternatively, you can text, email, or call your counsellor to let them know you no longer require their services.
However you choose to inform your counsellor that you’re no longer interested in seeing them, you need to tell them instead of being absent from your next scheduled session with no explanation at all – especially since most counsellors will still charge you for not showing up to a scheduled session.
Also know that it can take a few sessions to really establish whether you connect with a counsellor, so don’t be worried if you aren’t sure after the first appointment.
Don’t stick it out if you feel your counsellor isn’t helping you because you don’t want to hurt your counsellor’s feelings, you’re ashamed or embarrassed, or you don’t know what other options are available. Different counsellors work in different ways and work well with different issues. All counsellors are not created equal. Therefore, not every counsellor has the education, training, and expertise to treat every problem appropriately.
Remember, it’s never too late or too early to change counsellors!
Conclusion
Counselling isn’t a quick fix or miracle cure but a relationship and set of actions that inspires positive, sustainable change and empowerment. Whatever adjustment crises you are experiencing, finding the right counsellor can make an enormous difference to your well-being. To find a counsellor you align with, start by looking at practical considerations, for example, insurance coverage, location, licensure, areas of interest, and scope of practice. You may find useful referrals from friends, family, colleagues, and healthcare professionals. Search tools may direct you to organisations that work with your specific concerns. Thinking about your goals and questions can help you further narrow down your choices for a good match.
Ultimately, finding the right counsellor is a personal endeavour. Human connection lies at the heart of effective counselling. Building a counselling relationship conducive to change takes time, but establishing chemistry is instantaneous. One thing you can be sure of: the right counsellor for you does exist and is excited to meet you!
Interested in Receiving Counselling?
Send an email to thebloomingpractice@gmail.com or a WhatsApp message to +27 71 342 9810 to make an appointment with me or ask any questions.
I will respond in between seeing clients during the following South African business hours (GMT +2):
- Monday: 08h30 – 19h00 (excluding 10h30 to 13h00)
- Tuesday: 08h30 – 19h00 (excluding 10h30 to 13h00)
- Wednesday: 08h30 – 19h00 (excluding 10h30 to 13h00)
- Thursday: 08h30 – 19h00 (excluding 10h30 to 13h00)
- Friday: Closed
- Saturday: Closed
- Sunday: 09h00 – 13h30
In case of an emergency, go to your nearest police station or to the emergency room of your nearest hospital.
Excited to hear from you!
The Blooming Practice 
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