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Counselling has numerous benefits and can be an excellent way to work through problems and improve your overall well-being. Therefore, deciding to work with a counsellor is a positive action for your mental health and wellness. However, the prospect of attending your first counselling session can be daunting and leave you feeling very nervous. Asking yourself a few key questions before your first appointment with a potential counsellor can make you feel more at ease because it helps you establish your needs, wants, and expectations in advance. Take a few moments to yourself to catch your breath. Get out your old notebook or journal and sit with these questions.
It’s not about achieving perfection or getting everything right. Rather, it’s about triggering a thought process, an awareness of your feelings, and taking ownership of your personal journey.
Ask Yourself These Questions Before You Start Counselling
Am I Ready for Change?
Counselling offers a wide range of benefits that can promote your mental, emotional, and overall health. However, to reap these rewards, you will have to make some changes. You cannot expect different results by continuing to do the same things. Prepare yourself for the necessary change to be awkward, hard work, and uncomfortable at first. If you are ready to do something new, your efforts will not be in vain.
What are you prepared to commit to do differently to make change happen? What are you prepared to let go of to move forward?
What Do I Want to Work On?
Before attending your first counselling session, it is crucial to determine exactly what challenges you would like to discuss and work on.
Attempting to address too many issues at the same time can be counterproductive. It is unlikely that you will progress in resolving any of the problems you’re facing if you divide your time and focus in too many directions. Instead, pick three areas to focus on first that are the most significant to you. Alternatively, organise your concerns according to a few central themes. You can always prioritise working on other issues later in the counselling process.
What is your understanding of the issues? What needs to change?
Once you have determined what you would like to work on in counselling, figure out how to succinctly communicate it to your counsellor. Being able to summarise the primary issues in a few sentences will better enable you and your counsellor to focus on the same task.
What Do I Hope to Get Out of Counselling?
People seek counselling for various reasons. Consequently, their expectations for what they want to get out of their counselling sessions also vary enormously. Perhaps you want to work through a problem that arose from your past, learning from those experiences. Or, you may be hoping to learn new, effective coping techniques.
When you start attending counselling, you will need to have a vision of what you hope to get out of your sessions.
What do you want to achieve through counselling? What are your goals for the counselling process? Why are these goals important to you? What benefits will achieving these goals bring you?
Give it serious consideration. The more clarity you have, the easier it will be for your potential counsellor to determine whether they’ll be able to help you achieve your goals. Setting this expectation at the start will give you a clear goal to aim for. Communicate this sense of direction to your counsellor so that you can both work together to meet them.
Consider that your goals may evolve once you’ve made some progress in counselling. This is completely natural. Be sure to communicate this to your counsellor.
How Will I Know My Goals for Counselling Have Been Met?
What will be different once you’ve achieved the change you desire? How will your life be different? How will your relationships be different? How will you be different?
Why Now?
What has changed for you?
Knowing what motivates your need to change can help you when the going gets tough – and it will get tough. Communicating this to your potential counsellor can help them support you when you get discouraged or disillusioned with the whole process.
Do I Want to Receive Individual, Couples, or Group Counselling?
Depending on what you want to be the focus of your counselling, you can opt for individual, couples, or group counselling.
In individual counselling, the focus is on the development of the one-on-one relationship with the counsellor to affect change in the client’s life and self. The relationship can take on many facets depending on the approach the counsellor employs, but it usually involves creating an accepting atmosphere that promotes personal development and a reduction of worrying behaviour. The individual client engages in a process of self-reflection on their thoughts, emotions, and behaviours.
Couples counselling is generally focused on improving the communication pattern within a romantic couple, for example, through conflict resolution or a real-time active discussion. The counsellor analyses and offers feedback about the couple’s interactions and offers techniques for ways to improve the couple’s relationship. Both partners collaborate to create the process of change by synthesising their individual experiences into one cohesive whole.
Group counselling is based on the dynamic interaction facilitated by a counsellor between members of a group. The counsellor offers participants an understanding of the projection they have toward other group members, helping them learn from the insight gleaned from one another. Group counselling frequently involves families.
Am I Seeking Counselling as an Adult or Minor?
BOTH parents need to give written consent for a minor (under the age of 18) to be legally allowed to receive counselling, regardless of whether the parents are together/married or separated/divorced. Alternatively, a court order can be obtained, unless one parent has sole custody over the child. If the child’s parents are not in the picture, consent can be obtained from the legal guardian(s).
What Gender Do I Prefer My Counsellor to Be?
Some people naturally feel more at ease with a certain gender or with a non-binary counsellor. This is common with clients who have previous trauma with someone from a specific gender. Many people prefer counsellors with the same gender as themselves, perhaps believing it makes them more relatable. Most counsellors list their gender on their website or their profiles on online counsellor directories.
What Age Do I Prefer My Counsellor to Be?
You might relate more to a counsellor your age because you feel it will improve your chances of being seen and understood. Or you might prefer an older counsellor who you feel mirrors a caregiving figure who soothes and comforts you.
A younger counsellor, earlier in their training, might be more proficient with telehealth platforms, mental-health apps, and other technologies. However, you might value an older counsellor who you feel has been around the block a few times and adds extra wisdom and experience.
Age can also be a determining factor in how much you pay. Counsellors early in their careers are typically cheaper than those practising for a few decades. Postgraduate students doing their internships and who are supervised by an instructor may offer counselling completely free of charge.
Your preference for a younger or older counsellor is a personal choice. What’s important here is not your potential counsellor’s age, but how much experience they have with the issues you want to address.
Do I Want My Counsellor to Have the Same Identity as I Do?
Working with a counsellor who has a similar life experience to yours may make you feel more secure and affirmed – especially when you are seeking counselling to deal with a cultural or religious issue. You may prefer a counsellor who can really understand the context of your lived experiences.
That being said, there can also be value in working with a counsellor who has a different identity and can broaden your perspective. It can also make finding the right counsellor even harder because you’re narrowing the pool of candidates. Even if your counsellor doesn’t share your identity, you can still be able to build a really great connection with them.
Another consideration is that religion, culture, race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, economic status, etc. means different things to different people. For example, just because someone is from the same religious background or culture as you, doesn’t automatically mean they will have the same attitudes and practices as you. Additionally, counsellors are trained not to make assumptions and to work from within the client’s frame of reference. This means counsellors are not supposed to project their preconceived notions onto a client.
You also need to determine if you as the client have preconceived notions about the kind of counsellor you want. For example, does it matter to you if your counsellor has a particular religious affiliation or comes from a certain background? Sometimes, it’s not so much about what we want as what we don’t want.
Am I Interested in a Certain Approach to Counselling?
There are various types of approaches. Many overlap and are combined, depending on the client’s needs and preferences.
However, different techniques born from different approaches may require specialised training and licensure for a counsellor to be competent and qualified in using it with a client. As a general rule, counsellors are not allowed to use certain psychotherapeutic techniques, although they may draw on the philosophy that inspired these techniques. Many Specialist Wellness Counsellors embrace the Person-Centred Approach developed by Carl Rogers.
Make sure that if you want a certain approach to be utilised in your counselling, that it falls within the scope of practice of the counsellor you want to hire.
What Kind of Feedback Do I Want to Receive?
Compatible communication styles are especially significant in the relationship between the counsellor and the client. Therefore, your counsellor must deliver feedback palatably. Different counsellors have different styles. Some allow the client to do most of the talking while offering occasional validation, but mostly just listen throughout the session. They may ask guiding questions that inspire connections and insight, but provide limited structured feedback. Other counsellors may be more direct and solution-oriented, supplying abundant detailed feedback about the client’s assumptions, thought processes, and behaviour.
Bear in mind that your feedback needs may evolve as you continue throughout the counselling process. You may find yourself shifting from wanting a counsellor who just listens most of the time to desiring useful feedback throughout every session. The choice is yours and you can communicate your needs to your counsellor at any time.
What Expertise Am I Looking For?
Most people who seek counselling are dealing with a specific issue, for example, childhood abuse, religious trauma, relationship problems, or career struggles. Knowing in advance what specific training, expertise, and experience you feel you need can help you secure the right counsellor.
Note that it is not unusual for people to find what they believe to be their main problem to be the tip of the iceberg. Thus, your counselling needs may change as you go through the counselling process. Your counsellor criteria may also then change over time.
Do I Want to Meet My Counsellor in Person or Virtually?
Online counselling became the norm for many people during the COVID-19 pandemic. Consequently, there are more online options available now than a few years ago. Some people prefer in-person counselling sessions, however. In that case, you should consider whether you want to see someone in your neighbourhood, near your work, or elsewhere.
While counselling used to be conducted exclusively in person in a brick-and-mortar office, it’s now widely offered online. According to research, in-person and online counselling offer similar benefits in most situations, but you need to choose the most suitable method for you.
You may find a broader pool of counsellors with specific experience or expertise online than in your local area. You may also find it nerve-wracking to spill your innermost secrets in a stranger’s office, preferring the comfort of your own home. Or you may prefer the neutral space and physical distance that your counsellor’s office provides.
It usually comes down to convenience, cost, and your personal preferences. Some clients prefer to see their counsellors in person because it feels more official and makes more sense to them. Others want virtual counselling sessions they can attend from their own homey, warm environments, surrounded by the objects (or pets!) that bring them comfort.
What Can I Afford?
Probably the most important question to ask yourself if you want to seek counselling is what kind of budget you have available to cover the costs.
If you have insurance, immediately find out whether your potential counsellor is part of their network, whether paying for counselling sessions is part of your insurance coverage, how many sessions they will cover during the year, and whether they will cover the cost of the sessions entirely or only partially.
If you don’t have insurance, you may want to research whether your potential counsellor offers discounts or sliding scale services. Some counsellors may also work pro bono, especially counsellor interns (although the number of sessions offered is usually limited).
Online counselling may also be less costly than in-person counselling.
When Am I Available for Counselling Sessions?
Counselling isn’t going to work if you can’t attend. That means it’s essential to determine if you will be available when your potential counsellor is.
Evaluate your schedule to determine if you can attend sessions during conventional business hours, or if you require appointments to be made during the evening or on weekends. Will it be a standing appointment, or will you need to change time slots every week?
Knowing your availability can help you find a match with a counsellor who works during those times.
Conclusion
Counselling is an investment in yourself. You invest your time, money, and energy because you want to be different – to feel different and be different. As with any investment, it’s useful to be prepared beforehand and to know what is important to you. This will help you find the right counsellor and keep you focused on the issues you want to address during counselling.
Start the counselling process before meeting with your counsellor so that you can make good use of your first appointment to explore what matters to you. Having a clear vision about what you want to achieve in counselling means you can evaluate your progress regularly and ensure you are using the time you have with your counsellor efficiently.
Interested in Receiving Counselling?
Send an email to thebloomingpractice@gmail.com or a WhatsApp message to +27 71 342 9810 to make an appointment with me or ask any questions.
I will respond in between seeing clients during the following South African business hours (GMT +2):
- Monday: 08h30 – 19h00 (excluding 10h30 to 13h00)
- Tuesday: 08h30 – 19h00 (excluding 10h30 to 13h00)
- Wednesday: 08h30 – 19h00 (excluding 10h30 to 13h00)
- Thursday: 08h30 – 19h00 (excluding 10h30 to 13h00)
- Friday: Closed
- Saturday: Closed
- Sunday: 09h00 – 13h30
In case of an emergency, go to your nearest police station or to the emergency room of your nearest hospital.
Excited to hear from you!
The Blooming Practice 
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